Ah, Sweet Slumber - What's Your Favourite Bedtime Routine?
Ah, sweet slumber... sometimes it's so elusive, isn't it? When is the last time you had a really good night's sleep, one where you woke up and felt well rested and energetic? The kind of sleep where the last thing you remember is dropping your head on the pillow. A deep "dreamless" sleep. Ahhhh. Sometimes its a fantasy. I have had a few of those kinds of sleeps this summer, for which I am very grateful! However, they have been interspersed with some less than fantastic sleeps. A couple of nights stand out, very cosy ones where I was "snuggled" wih my extremely squirmy five year old son. The cottage was full of people whose sleep I did not want to disturb, hence my capitulation to my sweet boy who insisted on sleeping with me in my single bed. I spent the night an inch from the edge of the narrow bed, rigid in my posture in order to be ready for any kicks. I was not relaxed at all. Good sleep was a fantasy, a dream for another night. Been there, anyone?
As parents, my husband and I go to great lengths to try to get good sleep because we are fed up with being exhausted many a day. But I have noticed that it's not always the length of time we sleep that matters. It's also the quality of the sleep. This brings me to the idea of rituals and routines. By the way, I am still looking at physical energy in my series of blog posts on managing energy not time. In the last post, I talked about how effective rituals are key to managing our energy. And physical energy is the most fundamental kind of energy, with sleep being a key way to refuel our physical energy.
As a mother, I have observed that sleep begets sleep for children. I mean that the more my kids slept, the more they slept. If they weren't sleeping, they simply got more tired and cranky and slept less. Then we would have to really focus on getting them back into their routine. They thrived on their consistent rituals and consistent bed times. So my question is, why are we and other parents so careful about creating the perfect night time routine for our babies and little children but then we don't do the same for ourselves? That's what The Power of Full Engagement suggests we do: be proactive and intentional about creating our own bedtime routine that will help us have the best quality sleep possible, for 7-8 hours a night. It's a gift we can give ourselves as often as possible. A gift that will do wonders for our energy levels and hence our productivity and engagement levels. It is a gift that is worth the investment!!! It pays of in high quality physical daytime energy. I really wish I had known this in my 20s, long before I had children.
From The Power of Full Engagement and other reading, I have learned that we need at least an hour to "wind" down before we go to sleep in order to get a good quality night's sleep. And we have to give ourselves the chance to have at least 7, preferably 8, hours of uninterrupted sleep. (I definitely need 8 hours.) This means only quiet, relaxing activities for an hour before sleep. This means no work (turn off PDAs!), no tv (definitely no grim news reports or grisly dramas), no computers or PDAs (no Facebook!), no intense conversations (no discussing money before bed! We've tried that and it is a sure fire way to ruin a night's sleep), an hour before you plan to fall asleep. Raise your hand if you have a bedtime routine like this. Anybody? Very few I suspect!!! In the workshop I ran in the spring this news was greeted with some disbelief and surprise but definite interest. That evening time can be so full of potential that we don't want it to end after a day packed with intense work and/or busy children. It is tempting to make it last as long as possible and be as productive as possible before finally falling into bed later than planned. But, say you are open to this idea of trying to make some wind down time for yourself. If no tv, now work, no computers, no intense discussions with your partner, what's left to do for that precious hour of wind down time? I am sure you have some ideas of your own and if you want more inspiration, have a look at the end of this post. I have been playing around with this concept for a while now and have some favourites.
I should make it clear that I don't make my bedtime routine happen every night. I do go out occasionally and then it pretty much all goes by the wayside. However, I appreciate having the routine for the nights I am at home. Sometimes, however, even then, I ignore it, for instance, in favour of watching the latest tv drama with my husband (right now it's "True Blood"). But I think the point is that I am choosing to ignore the routine and bear the consequences of a potentially worse night's sleep, in favour of time spent with my husband and the potential for a boost in other types of energy, such as emotional energy. It is the intentionality of the action that is important: knowing what my choices will mean for me and being conscious that I am making them. That is what I have been learning about managing my sleep and my energy in general.If we are parents of young children or have to take work calls in the middle of the night, all the adult bedtime rituals in the world won't prevent us from being woken up from time to time, or more often, but I am suggesting that we focus on what we can control. We can give ourselves permission to have that wind down time in the name of setting ourselves up for a better night's sleep. I have learned over the years that even if I do have a really bad night's sleep, I will handle it. I will get by. Of course, strong coffee helps, but so do other things such as managing my other sources of energy. (In my early days as a mother, I used to almost be panicked about this, which obviously just made things worse in the middle of the night after being woken by a child.) However, I don't want to be survival mode all the time. I want to be thriving. That is why I am such a big fan of my nightly bedtime routine.
If these ideas are making you think you'd like to be proactive and revise your bedtime routine, try an experiment for a week. Play with designing your ideal routine for yourself. Keep track of your findings, what works and what doesn't, in your journal. Then adjust and try again. Here's to many sweet sleeps in your future!
What really spoke to you in this post? I would love your feedback! I would also like to hear what bedtime rituals make up a great routine for you.
Some Wind Down/Bed time routine rituals:
- A relaxing tea break - around two hours before sleep, a big cup of decaffeinated tea (My favourite: Yogi Licorice Tea), drunk sitting down, preferably on our blue couch with my husband at the other end, both of us with good reading material or in the mood for a chat.
- A deadline for turning off all electronics - I try to not be on the computer or watch tv after 9 pm, though of course, that doesn't always work. I do find having the 9 pm deadline helpful, though, even if I don't always meet it.
- Gentle yoga stretches, accompanied by intentional breathing - I add sit-ups, which I know are not gentle but they seem to work for me.
- Rub in some lavender foot cream before bed - I find the scent of lavender so relaxing and, indeed, it is known as a calming and relaxing herb, sometimes used for insomnia.
- Read something enjoyable just before turning off your light - I always read before bed, most often a novel. Reading work-related books at that hour, though tempting sometimes, just doesn't relax me in the same way. I may only last for five minutes before I start to fall asleep but I always make a point of reading.
- Do some journalling, and reflect on your day - Thinking about five things you are grateful for helps boost your positive emotions and process the day while you are stil awake (rather than sorting everything out while you are asleep). (I will get into postiitve emotions more deeply in the next blog post on emotional energy.)
- For particularly stressful days, try a long hot bath, with a good book or magazine - I wish I took more baths... maybe this fall... They really do seem help with promoting a good night's sleep.
