Help - I am on a Roller Coaster!
Since my last post my family and I have been immersed in back to school logistics and excitement. Last week, when the kids went back to school, felt like a roller coaster ride to me, both physically and emotionally. Taking a totally unscientific poll of other parents last week, I can safely say I was not alone! It seems a lot of us were on roller coasters, with their extreme highs and lows and fast speeds and disorientation. What a ride! (For those of you who have not experienced having children in school and/or transitioning to a new school or full day school, let me say this - most parents I know find it quite the roller coaster for a while. It is a huge adjustment for everyone: new daily rhythms and logistics, new communities, either school and/or classroom, new rules... Think of it like taking on a huge new file at work where everything is new and your day-to-day life is affected at every turn.) So, this blog post is about how it is even more important to manage our energy (and keep to our rituals for doing so) when we are on the roller coaster; then we can all aspire to actually enjoying the ride!
I was going to write about managing emotional energy or about two more physcial aspects (eating and excercise) but I felt that since I have been on this roller coaster and at the mercy of forces greater than I, it seems, it would be worth noticing that and exploring the issue a little. And might help my fellows riders and me enjoy the ride more, get off it or at least slow it down.
In our house, big changes happened last week: 1) my littlest one started full day school and riding on a school bus; and 2) for the first time since we became parents 13 years ago, all our children are at school all day. My priority last week was to contribute to as smooth a transition to back to school as possible, given these changes. (Picture a calm roller coaster ride?!) I have to admit that I have had a hard time containing my excitement about the fact that my children are all in school all day; the possibilities for me personally and for my work are large and enticing. That added to the fact that I purposely spent tons of time with my children this summer and so now we are all ready for some structure and larger communities again. Don't get me wrong - I adore being with my children. And I love being and doing other things too, like my work! The house is very quiet; and I feel almost giddy with excitement, exhilarated. I am trying to remain calm and focused but I am not really succeeding most of the time. I made a point of carving out this time to focus on this post because: a) I wanted to get it done "on time"; and b) I knew it would be good discipline and, a relief, frankly, for me to force myself to focus on one thing only. I should add that if my kids weren't settling in nicely to their new classes, my excitement would be sorely tempered and I would be focusing on how to help with that issue.
Instead of taking a big deep breath last week and puttering, and making sure that I was being true to my rituals to manage my energy, I revelled in my ability to accomplish things quickly and effectively (and sometimes even spontaneously!) without children in tow. Things that have been on my to do list for months have been miraculously ticked off. (My office is still a huge mess though!) But at what cost? Well, all this excitement has had me awake at night; I did not follow my bedtime rituals in circumstances where they would have had the most effect and I paid the price. Two nights last week I woke up at 4 or 5 am and could not, for the life of me, get back to sleep. I tried all my tricks, but to no avail. I know I will calm down in the next few days, but it has all been very interesting. Ever since I became a coach, one of my challenges to be the best coach I can be is to not let my excitement get in the way of good coaching. I have had a similar challenge this past week. Generally the excitement has been a good thing and a fun ride, but I am now feeling a yearning to slow things down. I found myself singing to my friends in the park (poor them!) the other day the first verse of that old Simon and Garfunkel song that I learned at camp years ago:
Slow down, you move too fast.
You got to make the morning last now.
Just kicking down the cobblestones,
Looking for fun and feelin' groovy....
There are so many many reasons to slow down... this suggestion, and indeed, way of life, is well explored in a wonderful book my friend Cindy passed on to me years ago: "In Praise of Slow" by Carl Honore. I highly recommend it. It is interesting and entertaining reading. It has huge implications. Also I am just finishing up Martin Seligman's new book, Flourish, in which he discusses the virtue of slowness. He asserts that building slowness allows space for executive function - planning, remembering, inhibiting impulses, and creativity - to grow. Finally, Bill Baren, a time mastery expert and coach, suggests that sometimes we need to slow down to get there faster. I will definitely be blogging more about slowing down.
So, now, on Monday, the start of the second week, I am finishing this post on my couch with my feet up, making myself reflect here with you. I am trying to be very proactive and intentional about it. It is definitely slow work. I am trying hard to walk the walk. And it is helping. It is a ritual that boosts my human spirit energy, making me feel connected to something larger than little old me. My to do list is long and I will get to it, step by step. I will clean up my office (1 hour a day until it's done!) And I will ready myself for the next ride on the roller coaster; it may be just around the next corner!
