Carrying Heavy Loads and Smiling Plastic Smiles in Vegas

I love when my kids' story books make me think. In Zen Shorts by Jon J. Muth, a panda bear tells some children the story of two monks, an older one and a younger one, on a journey. At one point they come across a rich and haughty young woman who demands that they carry her across some water so she won't get wet. They do so and put her down on the other side. She walks away, with absolutely no words of thanks. The monks continue on their journey. Later that day, the younger monk says to the older one, "I can't believe how rude that woman was, can you?" The older monk replies. "Are you still carrying her around? We put her down hours ago."

I love the power and simplicity in this story. I first read it years ago, but I think of it again and again. I see a connection between it and something really interesting that I read in Jill Bolte Taylor's book, My Stroke of Insight. She explains that when we experience an emotion, there is a biochemical reaction in our brain and body that occurs. We are at the mercy of that emotion and that chemical reaction, but (and here is the fascinating part!) only for 90 seconds. After 90 seconds, we have a choice. We can continue to keep that emotion alive in some way or we can choose to let it go or "put it down", like the older monk did with the haughty young woman, so to speak. That's a pretty darn powerful choice to live into, don't you think?

So here's my latest experience that relates to these ideas. It is also consistent with my pledge to be vulnerable in these blog posts. Last week, I attended the 2011 International Coach Federation conference in Las Vegas. (I know, it's an odd place for coaches to meet, but that's another story.) Like the conferences I have attended in the past, I was so looking forward to this experience. I was also planning to attend an additional conference the day before called the Coaches Edge Extravaganza at the elegant Four Seasons Hotel attached to the Mandalay Bay complex where I was staying. Now, the day before I left, I ended up spending much of the day sitting in various dental chairs having a new "maryland" bridge installed in my mouth. (I was born missing a peg lateral tooth, the one immediately to the left of my front teeth. I had had such a bridge ever since I was 18; the same one had stayed in for almost 30 years, a record, I am told. For the majority of my highschool years, my orthodontist worked to make a space in my mouth for this tooth, and consequently, I spent high school not smiling much because of my really gap-toothed and brace-filled smile. However, it was all worth it when the bridge was put in and I had a nice new smile before graduation.) So, after this afternoon of dental work, I left with a new and improved smile and felt quite pleased with myself. However, at 10:30 that night, just as I had finished packing and was flossing my teeth, I no longer felt so smug and vain: my new tooth had popped right out of my mouth! So much for the bridge. (Note to self, never have major dental work done just before leaving the country. And I should add, my most excellent dentist warned me that this might happen, as it often does with this type of bridge.) My cry of horror woke up Andrew, my long suffering husband. What to do? Cancel my flight and miss at least the first conference and pay through the nose for a new ticket in the hopes that I could have it glued back in the next day? "No!", I said emphatically. "I am not missing anything just because of a tooth!" And I said this seriously, all the while looking like a Beverly Hillbilly with this huge gap in my teeth. (Picture me, where someone has taken a black magic marker and drawn over one of my front teeth and you will get the idea.) After a few minutes of panic and frustration (many more than 90 seconds worth, I admit), I figured out that I could wear my invisalign plastic retainer over the loose tooth and I would look ok. But could I eat and drink with it in, for six days in front of other people? Or would I just take it out and show my gap? That was the question.

Needless to say, I didn't sleep well that night and spent the morning in the airport researching what one can really eat and drink with an invisalign retainer in one's mouth. (Answer: only water and apple juice if you follow the rules.) Luckily, I had eaten with one in before previously for my orthodontic work, so I knew it was possible though quite awkward and sometimes messy. Anyway,  I got to Vegas and, with my friend Alice Milne, had a great time at KA, a Cirque de Soleil production. Eating with Alice was fine because I know her. However, the next day at the first conference, was a different story. How would I handle it? I also didn't want to make a big deal of the issue and distract from the much more intersting issues to focus on. The funny part was that for lunch I ended up sitting beside one of the organizers of the conference (and it was really a wonderful experience, by the way), Viki Winterton. And the food was yummy. We were served this most delicious caesar salad (I love caesar salad!) and I was uptight about eating crunchy lettuce, so I was taking miniscule bites and really chewing slowly. To anybody watching me (and I am not saying anybody really was paying any attention to how I was eating), it probably would have looked like I was a member of the "really slow food" movement. (In contrast, I usually eat too quickly, the result of being a Mum of three, I think.) So as to not make Vicky think I didn't appreciate the food, I said "This is a delicious salad!" Things got better from there as I began to be more confident about what I could get away with with my plastic smile and I did take the retainer out on occasion when the lights were dim and red wine and chocolate were involved! Anyway, back to the point of this story. I could have spent the entire conference being angry about my situation, mulling over all the details of it. But really, this wasn't a hard call. I was determined to be there and make the most of the opportunities I was lucky enough to enjoy. In fact, my coach training meant that I even explored the possibilities for what I could learn from the situation. For example, I often get burned out at the conferences since they are so highly stimulating and I don't want to miss a minute. However, this time, I decided I would eat breakfast alone in my room so that I could be completely comfortable without the retainer in and drink my coffee and eat my oatmeal. I think this extra quiet time every day helped me to get more out of the two conferences than I would have otherwise. Also, I  discovered I could go without coffee quite nicely for a couple of days, thank you very much. This was helpful to know as I don't like to think I am addicted to it! So,  by "putting down" the frustration and embarrassment of my situation, I was able to learn from it and also make the most of the conferences. Indeed I am so looking forward to integrating all that I learned, into my life (including my work!) and sharing it here in my blogs. Throughout, I didn't hesitate to flash my plastic smile as much as possible and received other lovely smiles in return!

You might ask, how is this all connected with managing our energy? Well, this is about emotional energy... and in particular, positive emotions and living in a world of possibilities rather than a more closed world of scarcity. There are two fantastic books on these subjects that come to mind: "Positivity" by Barbara Fredrickson, and "The Art of Possibility" by Rosamund Stone Zander and Benjamin Zander, which I will blog about in more detail soon. And finally, I have not forgotten about wanting to blog further about food and exercise in managing our physical energy. It's just that I like to blog about the story that is crying out the loudest to be told in the moment and today, it was this one.

So, over to you. What issue might you "put down"? How might that feel for you? What new possibilities might emerge for you? Feel free to share with me. It would be a privilege to hear from you.

PS This was an easy example to share. I have had and do have other emotional responses that have been much harder to put down. But this story seemed to want to be told, so I am telling it! And it is kind of funny, right?