I Hung Up on Myself
I remember the exact moment that I disconnected from my professional desires in favour of logic and common sense. I effectively hung up the proverbial phone on myself – my wise intuitive self that is. I was sitting in Flavelle House in the last couple of months of third year law school at the University of Toronto. I was in a family law class.I was feeling outraged at the injustice women had experienced in the cases that we were studying. I was very fired up. And I heard a voice in my head suggest the possibility that I could practice family law – that that was where my real interest was. And I sat there and basically hung up the phone, shut down that conversation with myself before it got any further.
Logic and common sense prevailed. I was already headed into corporate law. I was good at math and interested in business, so it made logical sense. And I had snagged an excellent articling position at a top tier firm. And finally - the nail on the coffin – I would get too emotionally involved if I were in family law. I would get sucked in. And I wanted to keep a distance.
So, I shut the conversation inside myself down. I disconnected from my feelings and intuition in favour of logic and common sense. And then I paid a high price for many years – I gradually became very unfulfilled in my work, overwhelmed by life, and was completely lost professionally for many years.
It’s interesting because at that time in my life, I was very trusting of my intuition in other contexts, for example knowing without a doubt that my then fiancé was the one I needed to marry (see this blog post Intuition is Key.) But when it came to my work, I relied on logic instead.
And the sad thing is, it didn’t have to be all or nothing. I could have explored family law even at the firm I worked at. There were family law lawyers there. But I didn’t even consider it. I had shut myself down so powerfully. I could also have been really intentional about making sure that empowering women was a part of my work in some significant way. There are many incredible female corporate lawyers who have done exactly this, and I know it has been so beneficial for all involved. It’s not to say that I didn’t find ways to empower women along the way, but it was a small part of what I did.I have the benefit of hindsight now of course. That was a long time ago.
Now, I have been trained and have been working for years as a specialist in empowering women as a coach, facilitator and leader. A huge part of my work involves helping women make a connection between those parts of themselves where there was previously disconnection (as was the case for me). So many of us are disconnected from our feelings and needs (are we even allowed to have them?) and also disconnected from our intuition.
This disconnect happens for very good and well-meaning reasons. For example, often we think we need to be more focused on others in order to have the meaningful relationships we crave. But when we focus on others at the expense of focusing on ourselves, it backfires… if not right away, then over time. Our relationships become fractured, we become resentful and feel alone. And so, we don’t feel those deep connections with others that we yearn for. We also lose access to our joy.
But, there is hope. There is a way of being deeply connected to ourselves and supported by life, which fosters our deep connections with others. It’s not a selfish way of being, though it may seem so at first glance. I cannot emphasize strongly enough how impactful it is for us to reconnect with ourselves in this way – this conversation at the core of us ripples out into everything we are and do. It’s profound. Yes, it takes courage. And the payoffs are magnificent – among them, joy, vitality, love – an ability to create a life and contributions that you are proud of.
If these ideas speak to you, I have an idea for you. We will be practicing ways of reconnecting or deepening connection with ourselves at the upcoming Feminine Power Women’s Circle on February 21 – Connecting! is the theme.
