How Are You at Apologizing (or Not)?
Inspired by Harriet Lerner's recent book Why Won't You Apologize? Healing Big Betrayals and Everyday Hurts, I've been thinking a lot about apologizing lately and how I can be better at it.
How are you at apologizing?
Do you…
apologize too much, too little, or just enough most of the time, in the appropriate circumstances?
avoid the apology all together?
use an apology to basically get a pass and then have a habit of repeating the same “wrong” without improving?
use someone’s apology as a “teaching moment” for them?
I’ve answered “yes” to all of these questions at some point in my life.
Last year, while on a walk, I listened to Dr Lerner being interviewed by Brené Brown about apologizing. When I returned home, I immediately had an opportunity to implement some of what I'd learned in an exchange with my family; the material is so darn relevant everywhere in our lives.
Here are some of my specific intentions:
Deepen my awareness in this area – with respect to its importance and what small tweaks I can make for big improvements in my relationships.
Understand that I’m in very good company when it comes to having difficulty with giving and receiving apologies – how many of us were taught how to give and receive a heartfelt ❤️ apology?
See how it connects to my leadership – what am I modeling for others in my family, workplaces and community?
Take away even one simple strategy to practice – like saying a simple “thank you” for an apology and leaving at that. Easier said than done!!
This isn’t for the faint-hearted. It’s for those of us who are willing to practice having more honest conversations with ourselves and others, even as it feels uncomfortable, messy and even scary at times.
Since you’re reading this, I have a feeling you’re one of those people.
It’s never too late to Make Room For You!
Warmly,
Milisa
