Where's the Magic in Your Mess?

"What’s messy and what’s magical about your life?"

This is a question Amy Ahlers, a leadership coach I follow, asks in her podcast.

Here’s a story from my life where things were messy and magical at the same time – often the case, right?

The story's about messy hair in Spring 2020.

In Ontario, we’re just starting to get professional haircuts again after the latest lockdown. In our family, anyway, our hair’s been pretty messy! This was the case last spring as well. So, a couple of months into our first lockdown, my husband asked me to cut his hair.

Cutting his hair was well out of my comfort zone and I found myself putting him off several times.

Then one day I realized that I was procrastinating because I was afraid of disappointing him, of doing a bad job. He was starting to get a bit annoyed. I realized I was already disappointing him, by procrastinating.

So, the next time he asked, I gathered my courage and I said, “Ok! Let’s do it after lunch!" And then I added, "And, I have to tell you, it may be messy!” He said ok, he understood.

When I gave myself permission to be “messy”, I noticed that I felt much more relaxed. I’d put myself in a growth mindset instead of a fixed mindset. I wasn’t trying to prove anything.

(Looking back on this episode, it’s actually very unrealistic to think I might do great job the first time I tried – typical of a “recovering” perfectionist to think this way. Think of Brené Brown’s FFTs podcast – I’m not sure I’d listen to that podcast at this point.)

In giving myself permission to be messy, I could relax into just trying to show up to help as best I could. And without actually being conscious of it, we found “an opportunity in the challenge”, which is the magic of being in a growth mindset.

It turned out to be a really lovely experience. … Almost like a date! Just him and me holed up in our little bathroom at the cottage. No kids anywhere near us!

There was a sense of intimacy, care and calm that I can still feel over a year later. (I’m savouring it as I write.)

Yes, it was definitely a messy haircut. But it was an improvement on how it was before.

We got the job done.

My husband was grateful.

I was relieved and proud of myself for stepping up.

And we got a date out of it.

There was magic in that mess.

Transitions can be particularly messy, chaotic times. As we adjust out of the latest lockdown (here in Ontario anyway) it’s going to be messy and awkward for many of us.

Regardless of where you are in the world, what about making room for more mess than you might have normally? Maybe you'll also make room for more of the magic?

I’m trying to walk my talk on this one every day!

Comment below and let me know what magic you discover in the mess!