Does the Idea of a Circle of Women Make You Cringe?

Does the prospect of being in a workshop with a circle of women, most of whom you’ve just met, make you cringe?

Does it actually scare you?

If yes, I get it.

I get it, because our society and many of the professions we are in - law (my background), medicine, academia, for example - seem to require us to always have the answers, to not show an iota of vulnerability. There is so much pressure to appear perfect. Perfectionism is rampant. Consequently, many of us have become very adept at putting on a mask to hide any vulnerability that may be lurking in us. The problem is that behaving like this at work can also cause us to live that way at home and in our communities - after all, these professions are a big part of our identity. We don’t feel like we can ever let our guard down. We are distrustful. And if we don’t let our guard down, don’t take our masks off, at least with some people on a regular basis, we lose touch with who we really are. We are not being truly seen by others. And, not only are we disconnecting from others because of the masks we have on, we are also increasingly disconnected from ourselves. Being disconnected from oneself has devastating consequences that build over time - Including burnout (it’s exhausting wearing a mask), anxiety and depression.

I too have suffered from the effects of perfectionism and mask-wearing, and I am here to tell you that it does not have to be this way.In my personal life, rising to the challenge and gift of having a child with special needs has made me rethink my priorities in life and indeed the meaning of life itself. Our family went from being the so-called perfect family, with first a boy and then a girl, to a family of five with this beautiful addition of another little boy. Do you want to know something interesting? One of the reasons I wanted to have a third child was to get away from the Perfect Family label (“le choix du Roi”, as a French friend of mine called it). I didn’t want to have to appear perfect. I wanted a third child for the joy. And he has delivered that big time - for which I am so grateful. It took me a while to be able to really receive that joy and I am sure there is more to received. Back in some darker days, I heard this quote which shifted something in me at a very deep level, from the Leonard Cohen song, Anthem: “Ring the bells that still can ring/Forget your perfect offering/There’s a crack in everything/That’s how the light gets in.” My youngest has lit up our family.

I told you this story to be vulnerable with you - do you feel more connected with me now? I certainly feel more connected to myself, to my own feelings and needs and to you, dear Reader, too.

So, there is a way of being vulnerable and powerful at the same time. A facilitated circle of women can provide a safe space in which to practice this - because it is like a muscle and it can be grown. When I facilitate now, I have the skills, with the commitment of the women in attendance, to create a very safe space for us to practice connecting to ourselves and to others in this more human, real, authentic, often vulnerable, and powerful way.I have noticed over the years of running workshops that one of the most valuable parts of attending has been the realization for women that they are not alone in their challenges. We tend to default to the sense of being alone in whatever it is we are dealing with and this is, frankly, patently untrue. Nevertheless, we need to be reminded of this quite often because it is such a strong default.

So what happens when we are able to show up regularly without a mask on, having practiced this in a safe environment first?

We have the ability to create deep connections to others and to ourselves. When we open up, we are so moved by each others’ honesty, kindness and generosity. We learn from each other. We can get creative in the midst of our challenges, instead of reactive.

We feel more lit up and alive than ever - more energized rather than exhausted all the time (see the radiance of the women in the photo here after our December Solstice Circle of 25 women.)

We feel a much deeper sense of confidence - I like to call it authentic confidence.People feel our presence. We feel present with others - so many women tell me they are yearning to feel present, especially with their children. It is magnetizing and catalytic to show up in this way. It is leadership.

There are so many more benefits that ripple out into our lives and into the lives of those we care about, and it is much more powerful to come and experience them yourself.

If what I am saying is pulling you, if it’s compelling to you, giving you courage in the face of your fear, I invite you to join me next week for our February Feminine Power Women’s Circle - the theme is Connecting! I also invite you to consider joining me at my upcoming 2-Day Feminine Power workshop, which I am offering as a weekend Retreat, in a gorgeous spot with incredibly nourishing food and yoga classes to help you ground and integrate! And, if a one-one conversation feels best right now - and, I so honour that! - do take advantage of my current offer of a Discovery Session.

Our families, our colleagues, our communities and the world, really needs us to be more connected to ourselves and others - that is how we can be the change that we see is needed in the world.

Thanks for connecting with me here.

with love, Milisa

P.S. If you are a man reading this, I invite you to forward it to a woman in your life who might benefit from these opportunities. Thanks!