More About Love 2.0 - It's So Important!
On Valentine’s Day, I shared a message about the re-definition of love, sourced from research by the brilliant Dr. Barbara Fredrickson and her team and set out in Love 2.0: How Our Supreme Emotion Affects Everything We Feel, Think, Do and Become (2012). You can find that post here - it includes links to some resources.
This note builds on the ideas in a bit more detail - they are so important for us to take in as we become more and more immersed in our virtual worlds. The research contained in Love 2.0 emphasizes the importance of being together in flesh and blood. In fact, being together in person is a requirement of Love 2.0. The in-person requirement is what I want to highlight here.
As I have mentioned, these ideas have contributed to my commitment to facilitating in-person events.
Before I continue, I want to share that when I first started reading Love 2.0 several years ago, I felt a bit threatened – what about my romantic love for my husband? How did that fit in here? What about the love I had for my kids? Was this all so fleeting?? The ideas really challenged my thinking. So I understand if you’re feeling mixed emotions about this idea.
However, as I continued to read I realized that there is still lots of room for what I was protecting in this paradigm of Love 2.0. Dr. Fredrickson explains that in this paradigm, our “love” for family and friends are deep bonds forged through commitment. They are distinguishable from Love 2.0, the emotion.
As I said in my previous post, you’ll probably need to be willing to question some of your assumptions and beliefs about Love to fully take in this transformative message. And that may take some time. It’s taken me a while. Actually, I am still absorbing it years later… writing about the ideas here is helping to deepen my understanding of their implications!
Ok, let’s explore a little more...
Here's Dr Fredrickson’s description of Love 2.0:
To put it in a nutshell, love is the momentary upswelling of three tightly woven events: first, a sharing of one or more positive emotions between you and another; second, a synchrony between your and the other person’s biochemistry and behaviors; and third, a reflected motive to invest in each other’s well-being that brings mutual care.
My shorthand for this trio is positivity resonance. Within those moments of interpersonal connection that are characterized by this amplifying symphony – of shared positive emotions, biobehavioural synchrony, and mutual care – life-giving positivity resonates between and among people. This back-and-forth reverberation of positive energy sustains itself – and can even grow stronger - until the momentary connection wanes, which is of course inevitable, because that’s how emotions work. - p. 17 Love 2.0
So Love 2.0 is momentary and can happen between strangers - with a fellow subway rider, with the cashier when you pay for your morning coffee, saying hello with a smile to someone on the sidewalk...
Science shows that we crave Love 2.0.
We are wired for it.
And, we absolutely need Love 2.0 to be healthy.
This is pretty powerful stuff in the midst of the loneliness epidemic, right? (Googling “loneliness epidemic Canada" just yielded 581,000 results!)
Further on Dr Fredrickson explains the preconditions that must exist in order for Love 2.0/positivity resonance to occur:
1) Safety – there can be no threats in the environment; and
2) Connection – sensory and temporal connection with another human being. Apparently, the science shows that the main mode of sensory connection is eye contact, though other forms obviously do connect people and can substitute for eye contact.
My experience is that there is a lot of positivity resonance - Love 2.0 is in the air and inside of us!! My facilitation training has taught me to create a very safe environment with the people in attendance quite quickly. We use various tools to make this happen, including some Shared Commitments (aka group norms) that everyone agrees to at each Circle. We practise listening deeply to each other and sharing in a vulnerable but empowered way. Inevitably, there is connection via eye contact and/or a supportive touch as women share and listen.
Dr Fredrickson states:
The problem is that all too often, you simply don’t take the time that’s needed to truly connect with others. To the contrary, contemporary society, with its fast-changing technology and oppressive workloads, baits you to speed through your day at a pace that is completely antithetical to connection. …Love requires you to be physically and emotionally present. It also requires you to slow down. -p.25
In the Circles we are slowing down, taking the time to be physically and emotionally present with ourselves and with others, and this investment pays off… big time. That is why I can say with great certainty that you will leave the Circle uplifted – because you will have experienced Love 2.0 while with us. For the Loving Circle, you will also leave committed to some small but mighty actions that will increase your connection with others in your life and at work, as well as with your own self.
Warmly, Milisa
PS: I wonder where and when can we can slow down and look up to Make Room for more micro-moments of Love 2.0 with someone in our midst (because it can just take a micro-moment!)? At breakfast? On the subway? At the water cooler? In a meeting?
Where and when?
Because we all need Love 2.0.
